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This Is Me Trying

Audiobook
0 of 1 copy available
Wait time: About 2 weeks
0 of 1 copy available
Wait time: About 2 weeks
Growing up, Bryce, Beatriz, and Santiago were inseparable. But when Santiago moved away before high school, their friendship crumbled. Three years later, Bryce is gone, Beatriz is known as the dead boy's girlfriend, and Santiago is back.
The last thing Beatriz wants is to reunite with Santiago, who left all her messages unanswered while she drowned alone in grief over Bryce's death by suicide. Even if she weren't angry, Santiago's attempts to make amends are jeopardizing her plan to keep the world at arm's length—equal parts protection and punishment—and she swore to never let anyone try that again.
Santiago is surprised to find that the once-happy-go-lucky Bea is now the goth town loner, though he's unsurprised she wants nothing to do with him. But he can't fix what he broke between them while still hiding why he cut her off in the first place, and it's harder to run from his past when he's no longer states away.
Inevitably drawn back together by circumstance and history, Beatriz and Santiago navigate grief, love, mental illness, forgiveness, and what it means to try to build a future after unfathomable loss.
"An instant coming-of-age classic. In addition to introducing a memorable cast of characters who transcend the pages they live within, this novel explores grief with a tenderness, humor, and nuance that made me feel achingly young again."—AARON H. ACEVES, author of This Is Why They Hate Us
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    • Publisher's Weekly

      January 22, 2024
      Marie (You Don’t Have a Shot) traces the lasting effects of a teen’s death by suicide in this introspective novel. After spending three years helping to look after his grandfather, Santiago Espinosa returns to his small hometown of Greensville, Vt., for his senior year. He has not spoken with friend Beatriz since the two lost Bryce, their best friend and Bea’s boyfriend, to suicide shortly after Santiago moved away. Bea rebuffs Santiago’s apologies and overtures of friendship, having adopted an icy personality and goth style to mask her lingering pain. As the friends stumble toward reconciliation, Santiago grapples with his obsessive-compulsive disorder and his relationship with his selfish father, who has perennially neglected him to launch his music career, while Bea navigates panic attacks and avoids Bryce’s grieving family members. Though the plot occasionally feels jam-packed, Marie blends prosaic high school concerns over college, dances, and relationships with wrenching depictions of adolescents struggling to cope with a traumatic loss to deliver a tender portrayal of reconnecting after grief. Santiago and Bea are Latinx; supporting characters are racially diverse. Ages 14–up.

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  • OverDrive Listen audiobook

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  • English

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